


coda 15x18

by caoineag



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 coda, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Writing, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean Winchester, Happy Ending, M/M, it's shitty, my attempt to write something in english
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caoineag/pseuds/caoineag
Summary: Typical fix-it fic after 15x18. A little bit of angst with a happy ending.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	coda 15x18

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a thing because I'm still sad after the finale. It's my first fic in english so it's badly written but fuck it. Hope you'll enjoy it! xx

*

_not alone in forgiving the faithful and the blind innocence is forsaken l leave'em all behind and then I see that even angels never die_

*

There was no trenchcoat left behind this time. Not like many years ago when Castiel died trying to fix his mistake and all what's left of him was a dirty piece of fabric he wore. Dean kept it for months in the Baby's trunk. Sometimes, when he was heavily drunk, he was falling asleep clutching the trenchcoat in his hands. It helped him survive the worst moments after angel's death. It was reminder that Cas was in his life and it also kept him hoping that one day he could return it to its owner.

  
⚜

  
When Cas died again — or rather was stabbed by Lucifer — there was no trenchcoat left. It burned in the pyro along with angel's dead body. This time Dean was left with the mixtape he made as a gift. He played it every night when he was alone in his room. This time Castiel's death hit him even harder than the previous one. Maybe it was because he finally stopped denying that his feelings towards blue—eyed angel weren't platonic. Oh, he wouldn't admit it loud, especially in front of his best friend. _How could he_? He was only sad, deeply broken man who was raised to be a soldier. He was great at destroying and murdering monsters. And Cas... Cas was celestial being, someone pure, loving and loyal. He was _too_ good for him. Dean's already caused him too much pain. He wouldn't give him another burden by saying the L word. He was sure that the angel couldn't — wouldn't — fall in love with him. Cas reciprocating his feelings was just a bittersweet fantasy. Still, losing his best friend drove him to the edge. It made him suicidal — probably for the first time in his life he felt like he might leave Sam because he was too tired to keep living. Hell, he actually killed himself and the only reason he came back was because Billie wanted him to. Dean was kinda pissed and annoyed with her decision; he didn't understand it. Not until the next evening when he heard _hello, Dean_ when he picked up a call. He didn't even consider that it might've been a trap, something to lure him out. _No_. He was so sure that it's real Cas, _his_ Cas that he just speeded up to the place an angel was in. He wasn't wrong; it was the same Castiel in his dirty trenchcoat and sad smile.

  
⚜

  
There was no trenchcoat left behind this time. There was only a bloody handprint on Dean's jacket and subtle scent of rain even though Cas was gone for hours. The older Winchester couldn't even move from the place he was thrown away. He was still sitting on a cold, hard floor, tears streaming down his face. Cas' words were stuck in his head like a broken record. _I love you._ When he heard it, his heart shattered into million pieces. He was so stunned that he didn't manage to say something. No, he actually froze when the Empty took Cas away. His angel was gone, he died not knowing that Dean loves him too. That they could've had it this whole time. The hunter lost the love of his again but this time it was far, _f_ _ar_ worse. How could he keep living and trying to fight God when Cas wasn't there? How could he do anything when the only person who gave him hope was gone? He couldn’t even pick up a phone to answer Sam's call. How could he tell him that their friend sacrificed himself again so they could go on and kill Chuck? Dean was furious, mostly at himself. Because he had spent twelve years knowing Cas, falling for him only harder and harder but not acting on it. If he only mustered up courage and said he loves him... Maybe now Cas wouldn't be in the Empty. Again. Maybe they would've find a little bit of happiness. But the angel was gone and Dean needed to face reality.

  
⚜

  
Sam and Jack found him in the dungeon where he was still sitting, touching the handprint Cas left on his jacket.  
“Dean! Why the hell you...?”, yelled the younger Winchester but he quickly stopped when he saw the look in Dean's eyes. He recognized it because he had already seen this in the past. He knew what it meant. Jack also didn't need words to understand what happened. He could feel it in his gut. The nephilim just went closer and sat next to Dean.  
“But... Why?” asked Sam. Even though he knew that Castiel was gone, he wasn't sure why.  
“The Empty... It took him... It was the only way to... To also take Billie.”, Dean managed to say between sobs. His voice was harsh, raspy and he was surprised he was able to articulate something rather understandable.  
“ _Oh_ ”, muttered Jack when he collected all pieces together. “He told you about the deal with the Empty, didn't he?”  
“Yeah... He did. He did it to save me.”, Dean whispered.  
There was a long silence. Sam and Jack were waiting to Dean to continue but the hunter felt like he will completely break down. His hands were trembling and his breath quickened; panic started to rise in his chest. Everything what happened earlier started to dawn on him and he regretted he didn't die with his best friend.  
“Okay... Dean, let's go. You need to rest, to sleep.”, insisted Sam. “And tomorrow we'll start looking for something. To bring Cas back. To bring them all back.”  
Dean didn't believe him.

  
⚜

  
The next few days were full of grief and sorrow but they kept going and they were researching for something which could help them defeat Chuck. Dean did what was told to but his mind were somewhere else. He wasn't able to fully focus; Cas' words kept returning to him. _I love you._ He felt so much rage because Cas confessed to him only to save him. And then he left him to deal with it. Despite this, he was still praying to the angel every night.

  
⚜

  
They got unexpected help from Michael. Together they came up with a plan and met with God. Surprisingly, everything went smoothly, just like Sam predicted. Dead Michael, Chuck beating the shit out of them, Jack vacuuming his power. Simple yet effective. The plan worked out fine. The nephilim was able to bring back everyone. Everyone but Cas. Dean truly tried to be happy that Charlie, Jody, Donna, girls were alive and safe, that Sam got reunited with Eileen but he felt pang of jealousy. _His_ love wasn't there and they still didn't know how to get to the Empty. Jack didn't have the power over there. Not anymore. The worst thing was that Dean see the angel literally everywhere. His heart was beating faster every time he saw black—haired man or he got a glimpse of someone wearing long beige trenchcoat. Cas was haunting him in his dreams. And it was getting only worse and worse. Sam yet again started to hiding the weapons and kept eye on him because he was truly afraid that Dean might've kill himself. The younger Winchester was still trying to find a way to get the angel back with a help from Eileen and Jack. He even talked to Rowena and queen of Hell promised to look out for something useful.

  
⚜

  
There was a trenchcoat this time.  
It happened months after their win against God. Dean was mostly drinking and sleeping. He barely got out of bed, he refused to go on hunts. He didn't see the point of it. He was still praying to Cas — or rather talking to him. He's been telling about his love, his favourite moments of their friendship... How much he missed his best friend. He had the picture of Cas under his pillow. He took it on a hunt in Dodge City; it was shortly after Castiel came back from the Empty. Dean liked to look at it because it was his only reminder. One day he decided to get out of the bunker, maybe take Baby for a ride and do some grocery shopping. Sam and Eileen were on a hunt and Jack was in Heaven, trying to re—organize it. Hunter was really proud of him and he knew Cas would've been proud of him too. After all, Jack was a lot like him — he had a pure soul and heart and he loved humanity. He truly wanted to do a paradise — if not on Earth then at least in Heaven. He was also watching Dean most of the time but this day the older Winchester was feeling rather fine. Or not as miserable as always. He showered, changed his clothes and went to the garage. Driving the Impala made him feel almost like an old self. He quickly did the shopping, bought himself a couple bottles of whiskey and decided to go back to the bunker. It was early, spring, chilly evening and sun already went down. Dean was lost in thoughts as he was driving; when he was almost home, he noticed someone was moving on the side of the road. He could swear he saw a trenchcoat and it made him immediately anxious. He was hallucinating, wasn't he? It couldn't be him, it was not possible. They did probably everything they could but nothing was working. So it must've been a delusion, he tried to convince himself. It wasn't working so Dean turned around just to make sure he was right.  
He _wasn't._  
The man in the trenchcoat wasn't a hallucination. It was _Cas_. Dean got out of the car and walked up to him so fast, he almost broke his leg.  
“Cas?”, he whispered, staring at his best friend with disbelief. He wanted to do something but he was afraid that if he moves closer, Castiel will just disappear.  
“Hello, Dean”, the angel greeted him like always but Dean could hear a hint of uncertainty in his voice. It was a bit worrying but he didn't care about that this moment. He took a step forward and hugged Cas tightly. He could smell him, feel his hands wrapping around him, hear his beating heart. Cas was real, _alive_. He was truly there. They stayed like this for a few moments. They didn't say a word but it felt like they didn't even need one. And then Dean finally did something he wanted to do for years: he kissed Cas. It was definitely better than all the fantasies he had played on his head. Cas was surprised at first but he quickly caught up and kissed him back. When they pulled away, Dean felt a bit dizzy but he didn't mind. Smile spread across his face when he looked at his angel.  
“I didn't get a chance to say it back.”, he said holding Cas' hand. “But I do now. Cas, I love you too. And I'm done pretending you're just a fríend. I want you. I want us together. I want whatever we can have. I'm sorry it took me so long...”.  
Cas interrupted him with a shy smile. “I know. I know all of it. I've heard you. I've heard your prayers. The Empty had heard it too. You annoyed the cosmic being so much that it decided to send me back and never meet me again.”  
Dean couldn't help himself but laughed.  
“Good for me then. Now let's go home and make up for the lost time.”


End file.
